Just Candles On Another Cake
by JuwahBel
Summary: It somebody's birthday! And who will be jumping out of this cake? Read on and find out! It is kept a secret for a reason
1. Chapter 1

(Note: I'm sorry for the horrible spelling, but I can't find the spell check on this computer!)

"Grandma!"

I opened my eyes and looked at all of the smiling faces crowded around my bed.

"Happy birthday!" They all yelled in unison.

Balloons floated freely around the room, streamers were taped to the various machines surrounding my bed, and bows were on top of my grandchildren's heads.

I let out a laugh of amusement as the small children ran about the room gathering gift wrapped boxes. My eldest daughter, Paula, placed a chocolate cake on my food-stand while my son, Frances, began placing the packages that his nieces and nephews handed him in a nice neat pile on the floor beside my bed.

"how does it feel to be 72, Ma?" My second oldest, Ella, stepped forward and placed a party hat on top of my head.

"Fantastic! I feel older than I ever have!" The adults in the room laughed as they wrangled up their children and settled into the chairs that were arranged around my bed.

Frances stepped forward and began to light the lime green candles on top of my chocolate. My mouth began to water just looking at the cake.

After the candles were lit, I began to here "make a wish", "blow them out!", and "come on, Grandma!" from the small kids, so I did.

"What did you wish for, Gramma?" My youngest grandchild left her mother, Ella, and came to my side. her large blue eyes looked up to me and I couldn't help but reach down and touch her face.

"I can't tell you that, dear, or it won't come true." I smiled down at her and watched a grin spread across her freckle-speckled face.

"Can I give you a gift, Grandmother?" Leeroy, the 16 year-old son of Frances, walked to my bed and handed me a black box. Leeroy was the scholar of the group around me. He always had his nose in a book and he was always making observations about things that no one else caught. He was handesome, too. With broad shoulders and a height of 6"4, he drove all of the young girls crazy. I was worried that he would never marry for he was very introverted. Any girl would be lucky to have him no matter what.

I smiled at Leeroy and patted his hand. He leaned in a kissed me on the cheek and went to his book by the window sill.

Inside the box were several drawings that the little children had drawn me.

"Juli, come here." I called Paula's 9 year-old daughter over to my bed-side. "Why don't you and the others put these around the room?" This was the perfect time to soften the harshness of the room around me.

I had never been comfortable in this room or in this Home. All of the folks that lived here were depressing to look at and they were too busy with bingo to discuss anything interesting. Hopefully these drawings would bring color and interest back into my life.

The room was a blur of streamers and moving bows as the children hung their artwork and my son and daughters handed me more boxes to open.

Soon, the children were trying to find places to sleep and the boxes were empty. There were last minute 'happy birthday's and kisses farewell, and then I was once more alone.

The only remnants of the party were the streamers on the floor, the pictures on my walls, and the hat on my head.

I reached up and fingered the one shape party-favor. I laughed and brought my hand down. As I did so, I began to examine my hand. i had veins sneaking up my arms and IVs stuck in them. My hair was snow white and getting thinner by the moment. I was old.

It had felt as if it was just last year when I had been patrolling the cruel streets of New York City, locking away the murderous scum that lurked in the shadows. But, it wasn't last year, it had been 20 years since the injury that put me in a desk permanently and ten years since I retired. Now, I find myself in Waterspointe Nursing Home where I am attached to machines and surrounded by the decaying population of New York.

I was once a crime-fighting heroine, and what am I now? A lonely, widowed, 72 year old woman who's 3 children and 12 grandchildren never visit. I'm gray, old, and I'm at that point in my life where I welcome death with open arms.

Even though I'm accepting the fact that I may die tomorrow, I never afraid of it. How could I when I was faced with it ever day? I couldn't tell you how many guns were stuck in my face. I was even kidnapped once. I remember everything clearly like it had all happened 10 minutes ago. I wish it had happened right now. I would give anything to be young again, to be the woman I once was.

My favorite nurse, Sophie, came in and began to pick up the left overs from the party.

"how was it?" She sat on the end of my bed, arms full of streamers.

"The one time that my family visits me each year for a maximum of 2 hours is always wonderful, Sophie." The nurse laughed and rumpled the decorations into a ball. "Would you like some cake?"

"No thank you, its the last thing I need!" Sophie patted her flat stomach. I never got why skinny people always thought they were fat. "I got you something." Sophie handed me a small pink box with a white ribbon around it.

"Sophie, you didn't have to..." I looked down at the small box in my hands.

"yes I did. You've been so kind to me." Sophie put her hand on mind and smiled. I returned her gesture and began to undo the ribbon bow.

I lifted the lid of the box and gawked at the precious ruby earrings.

"Oh, Sophie! They're gorgeous! Help me put them on!" The young nurse leaned forward and put the earrings in and sat back.

"You look beautiful." I smiled and looked to her.

"I fell like I'm 30 again!" It was true because that was the last time I had worn earrings.

I reached up and fingered the earrings.

"Thank you so much!" I leaned in and hugged the young nurse. Then, I heard a rustling in the doorway. I looked up at the tall, broad-shouldered man leaning in my doorway holding a bouqet of roses.

"Happy birthday, Alex."


	2. Chapter 2

"Bobby..." His name felt so foreign on my lips.

I stared in awe as he walked across the room with that walk that I remember so well. He placed the flowers in my lap and leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.

I stared at Bobby as he sat in the chair closest to my bed.

I heard the rustling of Sophie picking up the rest of the party and leaving the room.

"You look beautiful, Alex." A smile crept across his face. He looked exactly the same save the dark grey hair that was sprawled across his head. He had the same look that I remember, a look filled with thought and wonder.

"You look like you did the last time I saw you." I reached out and touched his face as a tear slid down my cheek. It had been 15 years since I had seen this man. He was my partner of several years, and the best friend that I have ever had. After I became engaged to my late husband, Jerry, I fell in love with him, but I kept it a secret so that I wouldn't jeopardize our friendship.

Bobby brought his hands up to my hand and clasped it in between his large ones.

He looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days, but I didn't mind. I couldn't even remember the last time that I saw him clean shaven, but I preferred seeing him this way.

"How have you been, Alex?" His voice was rough, but tinted in care. His large brown eyes looked at me and I felt a warmth spread across my body.

"Wonderful. I've been hooked up to these machines for the past year. I retired 5 years after you left. Jerry died of cancer shortly after my retirement, and 9 years later I was put in here by my children because they were worried that I wouldn't be able to live on my own anymore. Besides those few things I have been peachy!" I laughed and squeezed his hands.

Bobby smiled and looked down to our hands. I could tell that he was tearing up as well. We had never been that emotional in front of each other, so why did it seem so natural now

"How have you been, Bobby?" He raised his head up to look at me and as he did so, I could see the redness creeping into his eyes that signified that tears were on the way.

"I've been okay. After I left I took up a job teaching as a history teacher at a local high school. I quit after a couple of years and now I am just doing desk work at the police station." He was now looking down at our hands again. I knew he didn't want me to see him cry because he was the great Robert Goren and he never cried.

It was such a surprise to me that he was doing desk work. I remember him complaining on several occasions when the captain told him to chill out and do some paper work. He wanted to be solving murders that no one else could solve, he wanted to help those who needed helping the most. Robert Goren wasn't supposed to do desk work, he just wasn't made for it.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I really am. I-"

"No, no. Lets not talk about it. We haven't seen each other in 15 years! Let's not talk about the bad things, okay?" He interrupted. He was right. I didn't want to talk about the bad things in the past. "How are your children?"

"Oh, they are great. I saw them earlier today. Paula is pregnant with another one, she's bringing me the 13th grandchild! Frances has his hands full with the one that he has, and Ella is trying to have even more. Bobby, I swear, I'm going to have 30 grandchildren by the end of next year! You should see them though. They are all so gorgeous, expecially Leeroy, Frances's son. He's so tall and handsome. You two would get along extremely well. How are things with Lisa?"

"Things with Lisa ended after I left MCS. She didn't believe that I would commit myself to her. She was just mad that I left a job. We weren't fit for each other anyways." Bobby looked at the drawings around the room and smiled.

"So, who's the lucky lady now?" I was curious. While we worked together in the field, Bobby never had a girlfriend. I was surprised that as soon as I was at a desk all day that he came up with Lisa.

"There is no lucky lady. There hasn't been since Lisa left me. I guess no one is interested in a 70 year old man." He chuckled the same old chuckle that i remember from when we used to tease eachother.

"I guess the streets are running wild with all kinds of criminals now that the great Robert Goren is off of their trails." I smiled at him and he patted my hand.

"No one cares that I am gone. But, I'm glad I am. I couldn't stand the captain anymore. No matter what I did, he was always on my case. He even asked you to watch over me! That was the most insulting thing ever, no offense!" I shot him a playful look. "It just went too far. I had to get out of their, I hope you understand why."

"Of course I understand. I knew why you left and I couldn't blame you. That man really pushed me sometimes too. I am just happy that I retired before he pushed me to the point of murder." We both laughed because we both knew that we had whispered to each other that we wished the captain would keel over and die from a heart attack so we wouldn't have to worry about killing him ourselves.

"How does it feel to be 72, Alex Eames?" Goren changed the subject quickly so we wouldn't begin to slip away from the cheeriness of the visit.

"I feel old, Bobby, very, very old. I almost feel as old as you look!" Another joke. I couldn't help but laugh mentally at the expression on Bobby's face.

"Why thank you!?" Bobby pretended to care about how he looked. He ran his fingers through his curly hair and rubbed his stubbly chin. "I tried to look as sexy as I could for you. I always picked up on the fact that you liked the bad boy look."

"You definitely look like one!" I saw him eying the cake on my food-stand. "Would you like some? I'll split a piece with you!" He nodded and grabbed two left over plates from the table by the window and began to cut two slices from the cake.

"No forks..." he said as he began to look around the room. "Oh! Here we go!" Bobby located the bag of plastic sporks and handed me one. He settled back into his chair and began to eat his slice of cake. I noticed that his slice was about twice the size of mine. Ha ha, I guess he still loved chocolate.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the company and the chocolate. I finished a few minutes before he did so I began to admire the flowers that he brought me.

"Thank you for the flowers. They're gorgeous." He looked at me and smiled while he chewed.

"You're welcome. I knew you'd always loved roses, so I just thought it was appropriate to bring them to you." Bobby spoke between bites and I couldn't help but imagine us back in MCS, sitting at our desks, working on a case that no other detective team could solve. I had always watched Bobby as he ate, thought, and talked on the phone. He was so fascinating to me. I loved the way that his brows furrowed when he thought about things too hard, the way he put his head on his hands when he talked to me, and especially the way he smiled when he was amused with simple things(for some reason the "baby!" key on a keyboard in a music studio comes to my mind when I think of that smile.

After a few moments of silence, the man beside my bed took the empty plate from me along with his and took them to the trash. On his way back I heard him say "Alex, there's something I've wanted to tell you for 30 years..."

(My Chapter Notes: I love this chapter! I'm growing fonder of this story than Psycho Puppy (which is sort of strange actually). I'm having so much fun filling in the 15 or so years that BA were seperated. You can probably tell that most of this is fiction. I don't think I got any of it from the TV show so don't go telling anyone that the stuff that I am saying happened actually happened in the show.

Thank you to all of those who said I could write in Alex's POV. I have a new found confidence in my writing so that would explain the lengthinesssp? of this chapter along with my continuation of the story from her perspective.

Thank you everyone! Keeping reviewing. I love reading them and they inspire me to keep writing!)


	3. Chapter 3

His eyes were cast down towards his hands as he dusted the last remaining cake crumbs from them.

He was dressed in a green, long-sleeve, button-up shirt with black pants. The entire outfit looked worn out, just like he did. The years that had passed had ridden him hard and his face showed it. A spider web of creases danced across his face, his skin was pale and translucent. But through his age, he was still the same, my love.

He stopped at the foot of my bed, never drawing his eyes away from his hands. He did this sometimes in our most intimate moments, as if what he wanted to say was too secret to actually be spoken.

"Yes…..?" I said softly, watching him closely. He sighed, turned his back, and walked towards the wall that I faced. What did he have to say? Why wouldn't he just say it? After all, we had been partners for so many years and friends for just that long!

"Bobby?" My voice sliced through the sanitary nursing home silence. He leaned his shoulder against the wall so that he could see out of the window to my right. He whispered something too quiet for me to hear.

"I'm sorry? Bobby, these old ears can't hear you." He turned towards me with a look of determination gracing his brown eyes. Although he was slower, his body moved the same way it always had.

He came close to the edge of my bed and gazed down at me from his towering height.

"I said, Alex Eames, I love you."

Those words, I can still hear them passing through those lips I had yearned to kiss for so long. He has been gone for hours now, but I still hear him as if he is sitting next to me, whispering into my ear.

I felt fulfilled, too big for this aging body. I felt like dancing, but I knew that I could no longer walk, let along dance. Being bed ridden for so long had caused my decline in walking ability, therefore I was sequestered to my bed for the rest of my life.

I had something to tell him, too. But, how could I? That one night had happened so long ago when Jerry and I had first gotten engaged. It was perhaps my fear of getting married again that had driven me to the arms of Bobby. He had never said those magical words to me before, nor I to him. Even during our most intimate moments, we never came close to professing our love for each other. But, now, 20 years later, the secret is out.

Such a confession would be thought to bring peace between two secret lovers. But in this case, it causes discomfort. As soon as he spoke, Bobby quickly gathered his things, kissed me on the forehead, wished me "happy birthday", then left me with a promise he would return tomorrow. To see him again is what I live for. It is the reason to live this next hour, and the hour after that.

What will we say? What more is there to say? Shall we discuss how we had always had these feelings and were too afraid to tell the other in fear of rejection? Oh, no. Robert Goren doesn't work that way. Uttering those words was uncharacteristic of him as it was. He would not leave my room as Robert Goren and return as an ordinary, openly emotional man that you would find on any street. I could already see how tomorrow would go: he'd walk in, drape his coat on the back of the chair near the window, draw it close to me, sit down, and place his head in his hand like he would at his desk in MCS. We would discuss little things, the weather, stories on the news, perhaps the captain that was still at our old department who we both loathed. Anything but what had occurred this afternoon.

My eyes wandered around my darkened room. The street light from the parking lot outside of my window threw severe shadows across the floor. The drawings my grandchildren drew me gently bended and straightened in the breeze from the ceiling fan.

Everything was so peaceful, as if my world had not been rocked a mere 9 hours ago.

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. 3 AM. I had 3 and a half more hours before daybreak, and daybreak would eventually bring him…


End file.
